More People to Love You With Saundra & Susan - Building a Village Family and Finding a Known Sperm Donor
In this episode, I speak with Saundra and Susan who have built a community which they lovingly call their village family. Filled with friends, family and neighbors, the village family was composed to create a diverse and rich environment for their daughter to grow and thrive in. We talk about community as family and how to build your community. We also explore a fertility journey including considering adoption and using a known sperm donor. This episode highlights the joys and value in having a community to reach out to in order to navigate the highs and lows of parenthood.
In This Episode:
[ 2:18 ] Saundra’s introduction.
[ 3:30 ] Susan’s introduction.
[ 5:11 ] The Village Community.
[ 7:20 ] Diversity in community.
[ 13:34 ] How their community looks now.
[ 15:47 ] Is it harder to build community now?
[ 20:27 ] How to curate a community?
[ 22:11 ] Family building for Susan and Saundra.
[ 29:59 ] Their relationship with the sperm donor.
[ 32:47 ] Legalities of sperm donors.
[ 34:48 ] Complexities of same-sex family building in the 90s.
[ 36:21 ] Values of community and parenting.
[ 42:38 ] Pursuing family building and knowing when to stop.
[ 47:44 ] How Saundra and Susan define family.
Takeaways:
Saundra and Susan have been together for around 28 years and have one daughter who is now in her early 20s.
Creating a community now is not any more difficult than it was in the 90s when Susan and Saundra were building their “village,” but it takes intentionality, love and commitment.
Building a community usually takes one person who is willing to make it happen.
Susan and Saundra’s parenting has shifted since their daughter has become a young adult. This means giving one hundred percent support, even if you don't understand or agree with some of the decisions. It also means not to tell them to do things differently, but simply ask the questions and try to understand the decision.
Age or careers don’t matter so much when choosing your community – it’s more important to find people with the same values as you.
There were certain legalities that Saundra and Susan had to navigate in the 90s during their family building process – like Saundra having to adopt their daughter in order for her parental rights to be recognized officially.
The process of family building – whether through adoption, pregnancy, or sperm donation – is extremely personal and can also be painful.
It’s not about the quantity of relationships in your life. It’s about the quality.
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