A Return on Hope with Suman: maintaining hope through an 8 year fertility journey
Suman and his wife’s family building journey started in 2012 and they’re finally expecting twins! Having gone through 8 years of trying to conceive, including experiencing three IVF processes, his wife’s fibroid surgery, and deep consideration around adoption, Suman rode waves of hope and a rollercoaster of emotions. Suman wrestles with the disappointment of not hitting the milestones expected of him by his Indian heritage. As the journey progresses and Suman confronts the growing unlikelihood of conceiving, he and his wife consider a life without children. His perspective is heavily rooted in statistics, but he also has real emotions to share.
Stories of fertility journeys often focus on the person bearing the physical weight of trying to get pregnant and they don’t often highlight the supporting partner. In this episode, we dive into Suman’s experiences during the last 8 years, detailing his vision for a family, the difficulty of seeing his wife go through multiple medical procedures, and the other paths they considered to build a family.
Takeaways:
You can try as hard as you want to get pregnant, exhausting all resources, it just depends on how far you want to go.
You and your spouse should be aligned around parenting decisions, especially when considering adoption.
Your vision for parenthood might be different from reality.
Don’t be afraid of exploring all the options. You have to do what’s going to make you happy, regardless of people’s judgements.
Know when enough is enough and where to draw the line and move on. Your line might be at a different place than your partner’s and that’s okay.
Suman’s definition of family: No family is the same. All families are unique. A family is what you make it and how much you want to invest in it. It’s a bond that can’t be broken.
In This Episode:
[ 0:10 ] A bit about Suman and the topic of today’s episode
[ 2:45 ] Finally becoming a father of twins
[ 3:14 ] Indian families are very methodical in terms of life phases
[ 4:20 ] Stigmas against couples who don’t have kids + The many ways to define family
[ 5:11 ] Pressure from society to have kids: Is there more as an Indian man?
[ 6:57 ] Their 8 years of trying: progressing through the medical system + His wife’s fibroid surgery
[ 10:51 ] What was it like seeing your partner go through these procedures?
[ 11:18 ] A return of hope: The third time was a charm!
[ 13:16 ] When hope was lost + Finding his way back to hope
[ 15:44 ] Do men desire children more than women?
[ 17:54 ] What was your vision for your family?
[ 18:37 ] The various emotions Suman experienced regarding the thought of not having a family
[20: 58 ] Adopting an Indian child was way more difficult than you’d expect
[ 21:55 ] Unconscious biases surrounding adopting someone that’s not of your ethnicity. The unconscious biases
[ 23:59 ] Suman’s candid reflection on adopting and fears regarding making mistakes as a parent
[ 27:37 ] Suman’s vision for parenthood and how he expects to parent twins
[ 30:12 ] What do you wish you could have told yourself that you know now?
[ 30:31 ] Suman’s Indian heritage and his definition of family
